Moving sidewalk etiquette.

It's like driving in Texas, if those in Texas obeyed the laws.

The left is the "passing lane," if you are passing a slower or stopped person use this side. If you are merging from right to left, check to see if there is anyone coming up on you...

Merge in with people at the doped they are going, if you are going to be slower than them, let them through.

It's really a few minutes of comedy with all of the serious people trying to get home from work.

You know what this means?

Only one thing... Demonic activity. Someone didn't cover their tracks very well if I found a salt circle outside of Norte Dame de Champs metro station...

Or I watch too much sci-fi TV.

Expatriate Fiasco

My mood is a bit off today. I feel over tired even though I actually caught up on sleep last night. My last five days have really run me ragged, but I have tried to maintain a positive attitude. That being said, I am also going to give myself a break today if I fail in he keeping it positive front.

So even though i feel like hell, I went to a meet up of expatriates in Paris tonight. I found the group on face book, and was pretty excited to meet and mingle with others who had chosen to leave their homeland.

So I was pretty bummed to get there and it be wall to wall people. I mean literally I couldn't even move, let alone stand in one spot without having people jostling me to get anywhere. I was determined to make the best of the dimly lit basement in an Irish pub off of the Chalete metro station. But the temperature, and cramped quarters got the best of me, and within a minute of getting my drink I was headed for the door.

In some ways this was a testament to my true nature. Not that I am someone who runs, but I am someone who cannot stay in loud, hot and cramped places for long. Some people thrive in conditions like these, which is why nightclubs are so darn popular. Moi? Non, I prefer quiet, cool less populated areas to socialize.

My mood only went more south as I walked to the metro. A man began walking with me and talking to me. I kept my composure and was able to exchange pleasantries but when he began to stray from my limited French I told him, "je'n comprende pas." of course he rattled through a few different languages, getting to English and admitting he did not speak any of it. This would have been nice if he would have walked away, but he kept trying to talk to me using words I didn't understand and not letting up.

I got the jest that he wanted me to go get a drink with him but really what for? I wasn't going to understand anymore French in the time it took to get a drink, and he wasn't going to magically catch on to more English. I became more aggravated with his insistence and finally got him to understand he needed to buzz off, but I was pretty irritated by his overall behavior.

I think back to when I would get seriously frustrated in the US, and at the advice some of my friends would have for me then. I know they would tell me to let it roll off, and that it is not worth getting worked up about. I wish I could just say they are right, but in all honesty, I sometimes feel that this type of advice is misguided. Yes, the night was a bust, and I am irritated at my lack of enthusiasm, but days like this are gonna happen, and trying to shrug it off isn't really right for me. Shrugging things off is misleading because Telling myself that it's not worth worrying about only frustrates me more because it is bothering me. I bury it more than i let it go and later when I freak out over something completely unrelated all of my "shrugged off" emotions come up and I get lost in a sea of feelings, most of them completely unrelated to the situation at hand.

So tonight decided to just let it out, by being a bit snarky, and pouting a little. I could say I am allowed, but I hate those words cause they have been used to justify a lot of stupid nasty shit. I guess simply, this is how I feel. Tired, pissy, and a bit frustrated with the state of the human male and society in general. Having said that I am now going to go to bed, cause even in my dark mood I do have a bit of excitement for being able to move into my new apartment tomorrow and get settled for the next couple of months. I'm even a bit proud of myself for being able to use my limited French more today, and that it was more automatic to use than before. I didn't think, " I don't understand," then translated it to French which tends to trip me up, I thought and said "je'n compon pas."

So even in my lousy mood there is a silver lining.

Bonsoir!

It Just Tastes Better

Have you ever had real café? Espresso served in the teenie tiny cups, but is so smooth it's like butter? I don't think I can drink coffee again. As a matter of fact, during my breakfast I had that regular old joe, and the difference in taste is stunning. And depressing. I never realized how bitter joe was? Do you think that he is the redheaded step child to the more sophisticated flavors of the espresso? Do you think he gets how much Starbucks has bastardized him?

I'm in love with espresso and the corner cafés with there outdoor tables and chairs facing the street. It's just so beautiful to sit and sip an espresso while watching the world go by. I have also noticed the distinct lack of paper or plastic cups. No taking away that espresso to sip as you walk down the street. You have to stay there, and I relish the ability to sit for a moment and just enjoy it.

I haven't sampled much of the cuisine in my first two days here. Jet lag, time change and looking for a flat to call home did a number on my appetite, but if everything else is as good as the espresso, I'm going to have to start getting up early to ride a bike around the park near my new flat in order to keep my jeans fitting.

On a non food, but still a very Parisian note, I had to for go blow drying my hair this morning because of a lack in a certain appliance. The French rarely do much with their hair preferring the natural look, and today I understand it. My hair has never looked better! It is amazing how when you let go of some "norms" you had, the outcome can be better than the previous results! And cutting down on my get ready time too?? Amen

Two Lovers

There are two things that I know I am at my best. Writing and when I am in love.

When I am in love, and loved back, everything could be falling apart around me, but facing it with a partner makes it so much less of a disaster. The other side of this is when I am in love and it is not returned, I feel the pain so much deeper then even I can process. It is a pain like no other. It sits on my chest like I am holding the whole world, and weighs me down to a catatonic point that I could be an inanimate object like a chair.

It is the worst pain I have ever felt, but the joy I feel when I am with someone who I can be myself and be there for is so divine that it is worth the risk of the crash.

Writing is a world all it's own. Words can flow out of me at such a pace, that sometimes I can't keep up. And if I go too long without writing those unwritten words, that are sometimes forgotten, weigh me down like an unfulfilled love. Writing is my love of myself, companionship is how I share it with the world.

I spent so many years out in society, neglecting my lover, the written word, that I found myself in such a state I had to ask for help in order to make my way back. I found that help with two amazing therapist, and some anti-depression drugs. I know now that neglecting my written lover can be as lethal as neglecting food, water or air.

Most of the time, my words come to me late at night, which while I was living with my dad gave the distinct impression I was the laziest person alive. Morning and night people rarely understand each others divine clock that ticks in it's own way and time.

I used to think that my late nights and late mornings was a disadvantage to me and the world. It really made working at 8 or 9am a huge struggle. But since I got canned from my last job, I realize that the ideal of our society's better suited for those who love to see the sun rise and are inclined to going to bed early. Not me. I don't care so much for the sunrise as I love the stars in a night sky. I miss living far from the lights of a city and seeing how deep and bright the night can be. I am always surprised, when I can see the different stars and how three dimensional that sky looks when I get a chance. It's like looking into forever. No picture can do it justice, no painting can capture the depths of the night sky.

Both of these lovers I would do anything for. Both of them shape me whether I am single and immersed in my world of words and the night, or in the daylight holding my loves hand and the deeper I wade into my life with my written love, the closer I feel to my partner, even when I have no idea who he is.