Expatriate Fiasco

My mood is a bit off today. I feel over tired even though I actually caught up on sleep last night. My last five days have really run me ragged, but I have tried to maintain a positive attitude. That being said, I am also going to give myself a break today if I fail in he keeping it positive front.

So even though i feel like hell, I went to a meet up of expatriates in Paris tonight. I found the group on face book, and was pretty excited to meet and mingle with others who had chosen to leave their homeland.

So I was pretty bummed to get there and it be wall to wall people. I mean literally I couldn't even move, let alone stand in one spot without having people jostling me to get anywhere. I was determined to make the best of the dimly lit basement in an Irish pub off of the Chalete metro station. But the temperature, and cramped quarters got the best of me, and within a minute of getting my drink I was headed for the door.

In some ways this was a testament to my true nature. Not that I am someone who runs, but I am someone who cannot stay in loud, hot and cramped places for long. Some people thrive in conditions like these, which is why nightclubs are so darn popular. Moi? Non, I prefer quiet, cool less populated areas to socialize.

My mood only went more south as I walked to the metro. A man began walking with me and talking to me. I kept my composure and was able to exchange pleasantries but when he began to stray from my limited French I told him, "je'n comprende pas." of course he rattled through a few different languages, getting to English and admitting he did not speak any of it. This would have been nice if he would have walked away, but he kept trying to talk to me using words I didn't understand and not letting up.

I got the jest that he wanted me to go get a drink with him but really what for? I wasn't going to understand anymore French in the time it took to get a drink, and he wasn't going to magically catch on to more English. I became more aggravated with his insistence and finally got him to understand he needed to buzz off, but I was pretty irritated by his overall behavior.

I think back to when I would get seriously frustrated in the US, and at the advice some of my friends would have for me then. I know they would tell me to let it roll off, and that it is not worth getting worked up about. I wish I could just say they are right, but in all honesty, I sometimes feel that this type of advice is misguided. Yes, the night was a bust, and I am irritated at my lack of enthusiasm, but days like this are gonna happen, and trying to shrug it off isn't really right for me. Shrugging things off is misleading because Telling myself that it's not worth worrying about only frustrates me more because it is bothering me. I bury it more than i let it go and later when I freak out over something completely unrelated all of my "shrugged off" emotions come up and I get lost in a sea of feelings, most of them completely unrelated to the situation at hand.

So tonight decided to just let it out, by being a bit snarky, and pouting a little. I could say I am allowed, but I hate those words cause they have been used to justify a lot of stupid nasty shit. I guess simply, this is how I feel. Tired, pissy, and a bit frustrated with the state of the human male and society in general. Having said that I am now going to go to bed, cause even in my dark mood I do have a bit of excitement for being able to move into my new apartment tomorrow and get settled for the next couple of months. I'm even a bit proud of myself for being able to use my limited French more today, and that it was more automatic to use than before. I didn't think, " I don't understand," then translated it to French which tends to trip me up, I thought and said "je'n compon pas."

So even in my lousy mood there is a silver lining.

Bonsoir!