The skittle and the M&M

This trip is the first move I have been on where I wasn't still with someone in a different place. Most of my moves have weird lose ends still messing with me. Austin had Kal, and his promise to meet me there. Before that I was totally wrapped up in Sebastian when I moved to Chicago, Brian during my first trip to London/Paris, Alan while I was in Israel, a different Bryan when I went to Las Vegas.

This trip though, I might not be quite over the last one, but without communication, he's more like part of my subconscious, vs. being part of my reality.

So for all intensive purposes I am as single as I can possibly be, given my emotional type.

Now that I have established my lack of attachment, what do I do now? Meeting people has to be, hands down the hardest thing to do in the world. I've gotten jobs easier than I make friends.

Was it just easier to meet people when I was younger? Or has everyone become a bit harsher and unable to deal with the complexity of relationships? Is this why everyone focuses on careers and work?

About 25 was when I think things started to spiral out of control for me. I was "not dating" a jerk named Marc. I liked him, but he "didn't want a relationship, and was focusing on his career..." blah blah blah. Most of my friends in that circle thought I looked like an idiot because he treated me so bad. They were right. I just didn't know how to just cut all feeling for him out of myself. Same could be said for a guy in Fresno named Michael. He's a freaking jerk, treated me like garbage, and I kind of let him.

Finding a guy who treats a girl well, is like searching for a skittle in a bag of M&Ms. You practically have to taste them all till you find the damn skittle. And once you find it, your taste buds are shot from all of the chocolate and it won't taste right.

I am pretty much feel like giving up today. It may be the earache that is making me cranky, or my lack of ability to find a bar. I could also be completely exhausted from my week of school. What ever the case, I'm not feeling so invincible today.